Pumped

On a cold and rainy April day, the Cardinals and Phillies squared off for their first game of the 2006 baseball season. There was a lot of reason to expect a low-scoring game. The Cards had their best pitcher, Chris Carpenter, on the mound, coming off a spring in which he’d allowed just two earned runs, following a season in which he’d won the Cy Young Award.

And although the Phils’ pitcher, Jon Lieber, had a bad spring, the Cards lineup isn’t nearly as good as it’s been in past seasons. Albert Pujols is still the best non-juiced hitter of the decade, and Jim Edmonds has that beautiful uppercut stroke that can produce 30-plus home runs even in an off-year. But Scott Rolen, according to reports, had yet to regain his power following a 2005 season ruined by two shoulder surgeries. He didn’t hit a single home run in spring training.

Based on what happened — the Cards won, 13-5 — I think the entire stadium in Philadelphia should be drug-tested. I mean, test the air, test the walls, test the grass. Balls were flying out of that place, despite the fact the left-field wall was moved back and raised in the offseason to cut down on homers. Several outs were hit to the deepest part of the stadium, and some of the foul balls were monster shots just to the left of the yellow pole. And that was just in the first four innings, which is when I stopped watching and went back to work. The Cards were up 10-0 by then, highlighted by a grand slam by Scott Rolen, the guy who had yet to regain his strength.

By the end of the day, Aaron Miles had nearly hit for the cycle, getting two doubles, a triple, and a seeing-eye single up the middle and under three gloves. Who is Aaron Miles? Coming into spring training, he was the Cardinals’ fourth-best second baseman, a 29-year-old journeyman who’s not tall enough to ride the Screaming Eagle at Six Flags. He won the starting second base job by being hurt much of the spring, which meant he didn’t look as bad as the other three guys. (To be fair, he had a five-hit game right before he injured his wrist.)

And it wasn’t like the Phillies took the day off. They got 14 hits altogether. Nine of the hits, including two homers, produced four earned runs off Carpenter. I briefly turned on the TV in the ninth inning to see the final score, and saw Pat Burrell hammer one off the tippy-top of the center-field wall. Literally, I think he missed a home run to deep center by an inch or two at the most.

There was a lot of scoring going on in baseball yesterday. The Yankees beat Oakland, projected by some as the best teams in baseball, 15-2; the Cubs routed the Reds, 16-7; and the Braves and Dodgers settled into an 11-10 hitter’s duel.

Opening day doesn’t mean much in a 162-game season. But if I had to make a prediction based on a day’s worth of games, I’d say that baseball fans won’t miss the steroids this season. In fact, if you’re the type to live and die with each swing of the bat, you’re going to need a refill on that Valium prescription before the All-Star break.

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